Start of the School Year - How to Help our Children with Anxiety?

Start of the School Year - How to Help our Children with Anxiety?

Starting and even going back to school can be big time for the little people in our lives.  Equally it can be a big time for us as their parents.

This article is designed to help you know how to support our children through this school transition.

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7 mindful steps to finding the right therapist for you

7 mindful steps to finding the right therapist for you

Deciding to work with a therapist is often a big decision ... 

And then once the decision has made to seek help, it can be a daunting task to find a therapist that is right for you.

In this article, we identify seven steps to help you find the therapist that is more likely to meet your needs.

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Navigating the anxiety of growing up....

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Long after the children had gone to bed, I came home last night to learn that our youngest had asked the question “Dad…is the Tooth Fairy real?” 

Three kids on, between us we’ve been asked this question many times and dodged it, in so many ways.  But this time, my husband confessed he couldn’t turn away from her direct and insistent gaze.

In his recounting of the story, I learn there were tears from her around the relief in finally knowing the truth, especially as she was being teased at school for still “believing”.  Combined with tears of confusion as it dawned another enormous step toward leaving her childhood behind.

Our youngest is 10 very soon.  We live in a first world country, where everyone is busy.  I was busy that night.  For the children and the parents alike, there are places to be, classes to attend, meetings to be had.  But at what cost? 

Taking the time to slow things down and acknowledge for both ourselves and our children that transition is occurring is critical to everyone’s wellbeing. 

For everyone change is hard.  It is a time of moving from the known to the unknown.  And with that comes fear.  Fear of will I be enough to cope?  Who will I become?  Will be alone in this new world?  Will someone be there to help me when I struggle in this new place?  These fears, often exhibited as anxiety, are as true for a child as they are for an adult.

When change is occurring for a child and you recognize how scary and unfamiliar it is for them, how it is hard it is to say goodbye to what they have known, that there will be times that they will wish they could go back to the past, and that through all of it, you will be there for them – is one of the best gifts we can give our children. 

The key here is time.  It takes time to offer someone who is fearful or in pain the space to slow down, feel safe and experience.

Sometimes as parents our child’s pain is more than we can bear, at others we may feel some guidance may be necessary.  In these instances, professionals experienced in working with children can help.

Finally take a moment and think about how you navigate change and what you do to address your fears and anxieties during transitions.  As parents it is these moments of modeling, combined with the times of being with our children as they try to navigate their own struggles, that will largely define our children’s capacity to tolerate change.  For you and your children, slow down and take time to be with both your and their experiences.  You are giving your child a gift.

I wasn’t there yesterday when the big question was asked and the truth revealed, but today I met our daughter at the school bus, so that we could spend the afternoon together.  On our walk home, she tells me about her chapped lips and that the best lip balm is “the one Santa gave me…I mean you gave me”.  We talk about how it makes her cry to think of Santa and the Tooth Fairy not being real.  And I am quietly thinking how it makes me cry, seeing our littlest growing up.  It is a transition for all of us, that we all have to navigate.  Holding each other along the way.

(Sarah Sacks is a counsellor and an advocate for enabling growth through transitions.  She practices at The Grove Counselling & Therapy, St Kilda East.)

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Sarah Sacks

Sarah is a qualified and experienced counsellor, meditation teacher and group facilitator. Sarah's years of body based based practices, in meditation and yoga, have led Sarah to believe in the inherent wisdom of the body. In line with this belief, Sarah has trained and qualified as a Whole Body Focusing Orientated Therapist, Transpersonal Counsellor, Holistic Counsellor, Meditation Teacher and Group Psychotherapy Facilitation. Over the last 5 years Sarah has worked in the not-for-profit sector, the community health sector and privately, as a generalist counsellor and group facilitator. Sarah has experience working with children, families and adults around issues of; isolation, anxiety, depression, grief, loss, trauma, anger, separation, addiction and general mental health. Sarah's warm and intuitive counselling style, along with her extensive life experience, enables Sarah to gently support her clients towards their own path of change. Qualifications - Bachelor of Holistic Counselling, Diploma of Transpersonal Counselling, Bachelor of Business (International Marketing & Trade), Diploma of Arts (Japanese), ACA (level 2), qualifying member for CAPAV

How does your anxiety define what you experience?

It is Wednesday.  Again it is Group.  

There has been a fortnight break since the last.  

I notice the dread arising in me as I drive towards the city.  

I would happily not attend. 

In the dark of the winter’s night, I am propelled forward.  

I step inside the room, I notice my heart racing.  

Small talk and niceties past, group begins.  

As others speak, the limelight is not on me, yet my heart continues to pound.  

Someone notices my discomfort.  I am asked if I would like to contribute.  

Wondering inside if I sound like an idiot, I share a little piece of my life.  

Others respond.  

I feel judged and fearful of their sharing.  

A silent rupture in relationship occurs.  I feel lost and isolated in my experience.  

Anxiety reigns. 

Others re-clarify their response and I realize that my own anxiety, defined what I had heard.

Their anger was not my father’s, projected at a small child.

It was their own experience.

That is theirs, and this is mine.

That was then, this is now.

I am safe.

The anxiety lessens.  

My body softens.  

The Group ends.  

Once more, I am meeting my anxiety.

Reflection: “How does your anxiety define what you experience?”  “How do you understand that pattern has come to be in your life?”

(Sarah Sacks is a trained group psychotherapist and avid believer in the potency of Group Therapy)

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Sarah Sacks

Sarah is a qualified and experienced counsellor, meditation teacher and group facilitator. Sarah's years of body based based practices, in meditation and yoga, have led Sarah to believe in the inherent wisdom of the body. In line with this belief, Sarah has trained and qualified as a Whole Body Focusing Orientated Therapist, Transpersonal Counsellor, Holistic Counsellor, Meditation Teacher and Group Psychotherapy Facilitation. Over the last 5 years Sarah has worked in the not-for-profit sector, the community health sector and privately, as a generalist counsellor and group facilitator. Sarah has experience working with children, families and adults around issues of; isolation, anxiety, depression, grief, loss, trauma, anger, separation, addiction and general mental health. Sarah's warm and intuitive counselling style, along with her extensive life experience, enables Sarah to gently support her clients towards their own path of change. Qualifications - Bachelor of Holistic Counselling, Diploma of Transpersonal Counselling, Bachelor of Business (International Marketing & Trade), Diploma of Arts (Japanese), ACA (level 2), qualifying member for CAPAV