Finding the Strength to Be...

Originally I came to meditation through yoga.  After many years of a very physical yoga practice, I found my home practice had become less and less active.  Allowing my body to guide me, at home on the mat, I no longer sought physical expression, but experienced a deep desire to sit.  Sitting in the unknowing, meditation became me.

It was in this sitting, that I came in contact with a deep unidentified grief.  Whilst incredibly painful, it was only in this sitting in the grief, that I began to experience glimpses of the potential for opening beyond the pain.  During this time, I continued to regularly attend yoga class and at home listened to my body, allowing myself to sit in mediation or to reflect in my journal.  This period was transformative, resulting in me opening to a new path in my life. 

Many years on, as I reflect on this experience and other pivotal moments in my life, I note what has sustained me.   Consistently it has been a blend of physical expression and reflection.  Noting that without one the other loses strength. 

Whatever the form, our exercise and reflective practices take, I sincerely believe that it is only in being in contact with our physical being, that we can find the strength to be.

Reflection - what do you do to support your capacity to find both stillness and expansion in your life?

(As a therapist trained in holistic counselling, Sarah Sacks supports her clients to use meditation and reflective practice techniques in their therapy)

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Navigating the anxiety of growing up....

Long after the children had gone to bed, I came home last night to learn that our youngest had asked the question “Dad…is the Tooth Fairy real?” 

Three kids on, between us we’ve been asked this question many times and dodged it, in so many ways.  But this time, my husband confessed he couldn’t turn away from her direct and insistent gaze.

In his recounting of the story, I learn there were tears from her around the relief in finally knowing the truth, especially as she was being teased at school for still “believing”.  Combined with tears of confusion as it dawned another enormous step toward leaving her childhood behind.

Our youngest is 10 very soon.  We live in a first world country, where everyone is busy.  I was busy that night.  For the children and the parents alike, there are places to be, classes to attend, meetings to be had.  But at what cost? 

Taking the time to slow things down and acknowledge for both ourselves and our children that transition is occurring is critical to everyone’s wellbeing. 

For everyone change is hard.  It is a time of moving from the known to the unknown.  And with that comes fear.  Fear of will I be enough to cope?  Who will I become?  Will be alone in this new world?  Will someone be there to help me when I struggle in this new place?  These fears, often exhibited as anxiety, are as true for a child as they are for an adult.

When change is occurring for a child and you recognize how scary and unfamiliar it is for them, how it is hard it is to say goodbye to what they have known, that there will be times that they will wish they could go back to the past, and that through all of it, you will be there for them – is one of the best gifts we can give our children. 

The key here is time.  It takes time to offer someone who is fearful or in pain the space to slow down, feel safe and experience.

Sometimes as parents our child’s pain is more than we can bear, at others we may feel some guidance may be necessary.  In these instances, professionals experienced in working with children can help.

Finally take a moment and think about how you navigate change and what you do to address your fears and anxieties during transitions.  As parents it is these moments of modeling, combined with the times of being with our children as they try to navigate their own struggles, that will largely define our children’s capacity to tolerate change.  For you and your children, slow down and take time to be with both your and their experiences.  You are giving your child a gift.

I wasn’t there yesterday when the big question was asked and the truth revealed, but today I met our daughter at the school bus, so that we could spend the afternoon together.  On our walk home, she tells me about her chapped lips and that the best lip balm is “the one Santa gave me…I mean you gave me”.  We talk about how it makes her cry to think of Santa and the Tooth Fairy not being real.  And I am quietly thinking how it makes me cry, seeing our littlest growing up.  It is a transition for all of us, that we all have to navigate.  Holding each other along the way.

(Sarah Sacks is a counsellor and an advocate for enabling growth through transitions.  She practices at The Grove Counselling & Therapy, St Kilda East.)

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The psychological impact of pursuing Childhood Stardom.

When people learn that my children have worked in the film and television industry for most of their lives, I am asked all the questions you would expect…How did they get into it? Aren’t you worried about them missing school? Do people recognize them in the street? And as understandable as all those questions are, the one that really matters is, do they enjoy it?  

If you are thinking of signing your child up with a talent agency you may want to consider all that is involved should they be successful, or perhaps more problematically, if they are not?

Being an extra on a film or tv series can be really fun but the industry is hierarchical and extras are at the bottom of the pecking order. This may not be a problem for your child as she or he may think just being on a set is exciting, even if there are other kids who are the so called ‘stars’ of the show.

The greater problem may be why, after registering with an agency, do some children get work and others do not? This can be really hard to take, and understandably, the child can go straight to feeling vulnerable about how they look or who they are.

Maybe you can help your child comprehend it is a bit like a lottery and if the Director is looking for a 10 year old boy with dark curly hair, that is the criteria - nothing personal.  It can be one thing to grasp this intellectually, but not to feel rejected when weeks go by without a call, can be a whole other story.

Another aspect that needs to be considered is if you do win a role or get cast as an extra, you can’t complain or go home when you’ve had enough. You must arrive on time, but then you will wait around for ages before you actually do anything! Once committed you have to see it through no matter what. And then you will have to do the same thing over and over many times! Some kids are cut out for it and some kids just aren’t!

So if you’re considering signing your child up with a talent agent you might want to consider all the aspects that go into appearing in that 30 second television commercial, especially if you think it might boost their confidence. Helping your child to find where they shine, in their own right, might just be a more positive course of action.

(In addition to having a former career working as a performing artists for 20+ years, Megan Rees is a highly experienced therapist, specialising in working with Children & Adolescents.)

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Tuning into the Radio of my Body

Contorted in the pain of the past

Two people sit across from one another

As they come into relationship

The crackling static of two separate beings

Lessens

Finding safety in the shared space in between

The muffled voice of the body begins to stir

Emotions arise

Insight and understanding springs forth

The physical ache of history

Returns to its past

Breath in ….

Breath out …

The sweetness of the present moment experienced

(A strong believer in our body-wisdom, Sarah Sacks is a qualified Wholebody Focusing Therapist, based in St Kilda, Melbourne) 

If you are interested in engaging with this work, book into the upcoming Wholebody Focusing workshop - July 25th & 26th

and

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How does your anxiety define what you experience?

It is Wednesday.  Again it is Group.  

There has been a fortnight break since the last.  

I notice the dread arising in me as I drive towards the city.  

I would happily not attend. 

In the dark of the winter’s night, I am propelled forward.  

I step inside the room, I notice my heart racing.  

Small talk and niceties past, group begins.  

As others speak, the limelight is not on me, yet my heart continues to pound.  

Someone notices my discomfort.  I am asked if I would like to contribute.  

Wondering inside if I sound like an idiot, I share a little piece of my life.  

Others respond.  

I feel judged and fearful of their sharing.  

A silent rupture in relationship occurs.  I feel lost and isolated in my experience.  

Anxiety reigns. 

Others re-clarify their response and I realize that my own anxiety, defined what I had heard.

Their anger was not my father’s, projected at a small child.

It was their own experience.

That is theirs, and this is mine.

That was then, this is now.

I am safe.

The anxiety lessens.  

My body softens.  

The Group ends.  

Once more, I am meeting my anxiety.

Reflection: “How does your anxiety define what you experience?”  “How do you understand that pattern has come to be in your life?”

(Sarah Sacks is a trained group psychotherapist and avid believer in the potency of Group Therapy)

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Who will hold me as I die?

Last week I drove 400klms to sit with a very dear friend’s father.   I sensed the end of his life was possibly close and I wanted to be with him, one last time. 

I entered the room and there he lay, propped up on the bed amongst lovingly knitted bed covers and carefully placed pillows.  His breath rattling, his eyes drooping, he was a shadow of the wiry farmer I had known.  Despite having not seen him for over a year, there was no hesitation in me, as I made myself comfortable sitting on his bed and reaching for his hand.

As we held hands I felt the power of life in his faltering yet strong grip.  Words could not be formed, nor did it feel they would find meaning.  Instead skin-to-skin contact offered all we needed…an affirmation of our existence.

A week later, the community gathers, the sun shines, the birds sing, as he is buried in a country cemetery. 

Men shake hands, women hug and children clasp to their parent’s legs. 

Many cups of tea and stories told the wake comes to an end. 

I hold his daughter, my dear friend tight, our cheeks pressed firmly up against one another, as we say goodbye.  We live far apart.  We may not see each other for another 6 months, but hold each other as if our bodies will remember one another, long beyond this moment of embrace.

As I drive home along a country road in the golden glow of the late afternoon light, I ponder the role my body plays in making sense of my own and other’s existence.   

Like a watermark, the imprint of the other stays in us long after they are gone.

I walk into the kitchen, and hug my husband and my children deeply. 

Reflection - I invite you to consider the power of presence in physical touch...how it moulds us, how it enriches us, and without it, how it depletes us.  Ponder what imprint you are leaving on the world, and how others have left an imprint on you?

(Trained as a whole-body focussing oriented therapist, Sarah is an experienced counsellor, who invites her clients to find healing and transformation, through the wisdom of the body.)

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Do you allow yourself to be witnessed?

This morning was a significant day for our youngest.  Her fish had died, and she wanted to ceremonially bury it.  A small box was found, a hole dug, flowers picked and a cross made.  As she went to lay her fish’s coffin in the dirt, she looked around, and noticed that her siblings, caught up in the preparations for the day, had not made it out to the garden.  “I want them here with me” were her words.

Letting go of the rush of the morning, we gathered around in the garden … her two older siblings, the family dog, my husband and I, as she placed her beloved fish in the ground. 

It is these moments that bind us and these moments that build us - seeing others and allowing ourselves to be seen.

Reflection - In your life, who do you witness?   And do you open yourself up to the vulnerability and the love that can come, in allowing others to witness you?  

(Sarah is an experienced counsellor, who enjoys working with children and their families around issues of grief and loss)

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The Grove has opened!

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After much planning, dreaming and hard work, we are excited to announce that our new practice The Grove Counselling & Therapy, has opened.  Our first clients were welcomed into The Grove on April 22nd.  

The Grove is a collaborative counselling & therapy practice that offers an holistic approach to mental and emotional wellbeing.  We work to support individuals, couples and families through difficult times. Our practitioners include Sarah Sacks, Megan Rees and Cheryl Taylor.  

Sarah is a generalist counsellor, passionate about enabling individuals to find ease and vitality in life beyond anxiety and depression.  Inspired by the therapeutic potential of the expressive arts and play, Megan adores working with children and adolescents.  Believing in the transformative power of relationship, Cheryl is a couples counsellor and professional supervisor.  As a team we work together, supporting both our clients and each other, to be the most effective we can be.

Thank you very much to our families', our clients, and our colleagues for all of your encouragement and support.  It has been an incredible journey and we are looking forward to sharing our dream with you.

To mark this moment, keep your eyes peeled for details of our opening celebration coming later in May.