How to help reduce anxiety with deep listening
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At the practice, we are hearing a lot of clients describing experiences of heightened anxiety. Given the current uncertainty as we come out of isolation, this is not surprising.
This post is designed to give you some tools in deep listening to help manage your anxiety or support another who might be struggling with some overwhelming feelings.
What is anxiety?
For a moment, let us understand anxiety. Anxiety is natural response that is designed to help keep us alive. At times this response serves us well, but there are other times when anxiety can become overwhelming. Anxiety can come in many forms – helping us stay focused, but equally it can look like : withdrawal, outbursts of rage, sweaty palms, a racing heart rate, excessive rumination, an upset stomach or disturbed sleep.
Being heard helps turn down the anxiety dial
Have you ever noticed that when you are alone, the likelihood for your feelings to become bigger and perhaps more overwhelming, is higher?
To give you an example:
For a moment, slow down … and imagine yourself alone in a dark wood … notice where your mind goes …. can you feel yourself more alert? … perhaps your skin is prickling, your breath is shorter or your vision is more piercing, … the thought crosses your mind “will I be able to get of out here?”.
If we imagine we have a dial ranging from 1 -10 that indicates where we are on our scale of anxiety … where were you on your anxiety dial when you were alone in the dark wood? … perhaps an 8 / 10?
Now let’s imagine that we are still alone in the same dark wood, but we take a moment to stop and check in with how we feel … we notice our feet on the dirt, we reach out to the trunk of a big tree, we touch the bark & lean up against it … we take a moment to name that we feel scared … we notice a little bit of ease comes … we notice we can now take a few gentle yet deeper breaths, we take those breaths … thoughts of those people that are significant to us appear …. we notice we are able to look up into the tree canopy and then as our vision adjusts, we realise we can see the path out and that we are going to be ok.
Now back to your anxiety dial … in this second scenario, initially where were you on the scale? Maybe an 8/10, but then as you managed to ground yourself and be with your fear … where did it go … perhaps it dropped to a manageable 6/10?
In contrast, … now imagine yourself with a friend travelling into that same dark wood … throughout your journey through the wood you are aware of the other person with you … you know you can reach out to them and hold their hand if you feel you need to … how do you feel now? … Notice that whilst the wood may feel unwelcoming, … perhaps you wouldn’t describe yourself as on high alert, as before when you were absolutely alone? … you have breath available to you, you are able to make conversation with your friend and stay connected, the wood seems dark, but together you can still discern the path through.
Back to your anxiety dial – where were you throughout the journey in the wood? Perhaps the dial didn’t shift so much along the journey, but stayed consistently around a 6/10?
Just like we do not like to be alone in the dark wood, nor do our feelings like to be alone. Learning how to really name what is happening for ourselves and deeply listening to our experience, can significantly turn down the anxiety dial. By doing this, we are in essence being the friend in the wood, but for ourselves.
This is how it is done:
Take a moment to pause
Ground yourself (refer to previous post) (& this one)
Check in with your body & gently inquire as to what is going on for me here?
Using “There is a part of me that is feeling (an emotion)” statement – as accurately as possible name the quality of your experience
Letting go of judgement or expectation, sit with the experience of naming & being with whatever arises
Come back to grounding & wonder if there is more? If there is - repeat steps 2) – 5)
Notice the shift in experience & allow yourself to be here for a little while
Thank your body for showing up for you in this way.
If you are struggling to take yourself to a place of pause (Step 1), commence the above process with gentle movement (i.e. yoga, stretching, a walk ideally in a place of beauty). Equally, if naming your feelings (Step 4) is a struggle, try allowing yourself to free-journal, giving permission for whatever is there to fall out on to the page.
Navigating anxiety & overwhelm can seem impossible at times. If you are struggling, perhaps consider talking to someone. At The Grove our therapists are available to help and provide anxiety counselling in Melbourne and online.
For anxiety counselling please contact us at 03-9532-4567 / info@thegrovecounselling.com
Speak with a professional for Free - 20min Phone or Video Call
(Trained as a relational whole-body focussing oriented therapist, Sarah Sacks is an experienced relationship counsellor, who specialises in working in supporting people through periods of transition.)
